Creatively Repurpose Stress for Self-Improvement: Mini Book Review

It’s inevitable that we will encounter misfortunes or challenges in life. But what if I told you that these ‘misfortunes’ could be transformed into catalysts for growth, empowerment, and self-discovery? In her book, “Existential Kink,” Dr Carolyn Elliott, PhD, presents a profound perspective and method on how to repurpose pain and undesirable outcomes. Today, I’ll share some key takeaways I learned from the book, and give real-life examples of how you can apply these methods for dramatic growth and change in your life…they way I did during 2020 when I found the audiobook!

Understanding EK

Now I will not be going into full detail of the method or how exactly I practiced, but use context clues or maybe even give it a read and you will know:). It’s important to note, this technique is incredibly personal and best suited for individual practice.

Existential Kink, as coined by Carolyn Elliott, is a provocative concept that encourages us to explore the hidden pleasure we derive from our suffering or repeating patterns of self-sabotage. It suggests that we may unknowingly be attached to certain negative experiences/people/outcomes because (in fact) they offer a sense of familiarity, control, or even a distorted form of pleasure (but hey, no kink-shaming over here:) ). Acknowledging this hidden connection and bringing awareness to it, is the first step towards magic-like transformation.

Embracing the Dark Side

To repurpose misfortune, we must be willing to embark on the journey of facing your not-so-pleasant side of self. It involves consciously exploring and integrating the aspects of ourselves that we have disowned or suppressed. For example, if you’re facing cycle after cycle of financial hardship, and claim you “hate being broke”, (for one, use better language and be kinder to yourself) — then you would instead bring awareness to the FACT that something in you indeed LOVES “broke-ness”.

Something in you is turned all the way ON for it, and it’s up to you to own it so you can subconsciously and effectively change it.

When you shine a light on the dark parts, you can use your sensual energy to —

1. Release your fear of knowing yourself deeper, providing an opportunity for deep self reflection and understanding, and

2. Take your power back from the ‘big bad thing’, and reset your subconscious to chart a new path. It’s scientific, it’s magical, it’s the oldest trick known to man, or woman. By examining the patterns and triggers that perpetuate our misfortunes, we can gain valuable insights into our subconscious desires and fears. This process allows us to reclaim our power and create new narratives for ourselves.

Shifting Perspectives

Misfortunes often come with a multitude of negative emotions, such as pain, disappointment, or anger, and it doesn’t help if you add maladaptive daydreaming. However, Existential Kink invites us to view these emotions from a different lens. Instead of resisting or avoiding them, we can learn to embrace and even find pleasure in the process of experiencing them. By shifting our perspective, we can transform misfortune into a transformative experience, freeing ourselves from the repetitive cycle of suffering.

In basic terms, instead feeling the pain and negative emotions or thought cycles, replace those feelings and thoughts with pleasure and power. It gives you a psychedelic-like epiphany through deeper self-compassion and understanding.

Harnessing Alchemical Transformation

Drawing inspiration from the alchemical process of transmutation, Carolyn Elliott encourages us to view misfortune as raw material for personal growth. Just as alchemists aimed to turn base metals into gold, we can take our misfortunes and use them as catalysts for inner alchemy. Through reflection, introspection, and intentional action, we have the power to transform our challenges into opportunities for self-discovery and profound change.

Cultivating Radical Self-Acceptance

At the heart of repurposing misfortune lies the practice of radical self-acceptance. I learned in EK, that by embracing every aspect of ourselves, including our flaws, mistakes, (our relationship with pleasure) and misfortunes, we can release self-judgment and shame. When we accept ourselves fully, we open the door to self-compassion, self-love, and the ability to navigate life’s challenges with grace and resilience.

All in All

“Existential Kink” by Carolyn Elliott offers a unique and powerful approach to repurposing misfortune in our lives. By exploring our hidden connections to suffering and cultivating radical self-acceptance, we can unlock the potential for profound growth and personal transformation. Remember, it is through our darkest moments that we can often find the greatest light. Embrace the power of existential kink and rewrite the narrative of your life story, turning misfortune into a powerful force for change and personal evolution. I wish you all the best!