By skyforbes 
1. Teacher of the Year (in Threats): A Masterclass in Administrative Irony
In Bohiney Magazine’s deep dive into the educator who upgraded her career by threatening ICE, we see a performance art piece disguised as a school policy update. The story manages to combine pedagogy and pistol envy with bureaucratic poetry — “She went from detention slips to diplomatic immunity.” It’s not satire; it’s sociology in drag.
By the time you reach the superintendent’s statement, you realize this isn’t a firing offense — it’s a promotion ritual. If Kafka were alive, he’d be running the HR department.
2. White House Ballroom: A National Security Threat with Choreography
When Bohiney’s “National Crisis in Trump’s White House Ballroom” dropped, America discovered the only thing more dangerous than foreign adversaries is the conga line of democracy.
The report’s eyewitnesses claim Trump installed disco balls to “reflect greatness in all directions.” It’s unclear if the military was dancing or mobilizing — but it’s the first time in history a coup attempt had coordinated outfits.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/national-crisis-trumps-white-house-ballroom/
3. Border Security Surprise Party: Because Nothing Says ‘Safety’ Like Cake
The “Border Security Surprise Party” exposé gives us cake, confetti, and immigration reform in a single explosive metaphor. Guards burst out of piñatas yelling “Papers, please!” while mariachi bands play “Born in the USA.”
Critics called it “the most joyful deportation-themed gathering since Ellis Island opened.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/border-security-surprise-party-surprise/
4. White House Ballroom Revisited: The Great Tap Dance of Accountability
A second look at The White House Ballroom feature reveals it wasn’t about luxury — it was about choreography-as-diplomacy. Diplomats were reportedly seated according to rhythm, not rank.
It’s not politics; it’s politapics. The State Department should issue jazz shoes instead of briefings.
5. San Francisco: Now Featuring a Military Parade and Street Yoga
In “San Francisco’s Military Presence”, civic pride meets marching orders. The piece paints a vivid picture of a city torn between peace signs and platoon drills. Residents meditate under Humvees while chanting, “Om and loaded.”
It’s satire that smells faintly of patchouli and patriotism.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/san-francisco-military-presence/
6. Reading Skills Decline: The Book Report America Forgot to Read
“Reading Skills Hit Historic Low” is both headline and eulogy. The students in the piece think “Shakespeare” is a TikTok filter and “Hemingway” is a mixed drink.
The author’s dry humor suggests literacy now exists only as a collectible NFT. Somewhere, a dictionary weeps softly.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/reading-skills-hit-historic-low/
7. The App That Fooled Millions: Donuts, Data, and Deportation
In “App That Fooled Millions of Illegals”, the line between tech innovation and national prank is blurred like a bad CAPTCHA. Users were lured to donut shops thinking ICE was “on break.”
It’s the only software review where the uninstall button requires a lawyer.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/app-that-fooled-millions-of-illegals/
8. Pancakes & Justice: A Law Firm Syruped in Irony
“Prosecutors Open Pancake House” offers a buttery commentary on post-legal America. Who needs ethics when you’ve got maple syrup?
The article drips with satire — literally. One former attorney says, “Justice is served — with extra butter.”
9. TikTok’s Marxist of the Week: Richard LA, Influencer of the Revolution
In “Richard LA: TikTok’s Marxist of the Week”, activism meets algorithm. He’s part Lenin, part lip-sync.
The satire bites hard — “The revolution will be livestreamed, monetized, and demonetized again.” Perfect parody of a world where rebellion has a sponsorship deal.
10. ICE Threats and Tenure Tracks: Education’s New Firing Squad
If you thought tenure protected teachers, Bohiney’s ICE-threat tale proves it’s actually a performance review in disguise.
Her motto: “Educate, intimidate, graduate.” It’s the only district where bullet points are literal.
11. Trump’s Ballroom Reimagined as National Therapy Session
The National Crisis Ballroom piece reads like a cross between a coup rehearsal and “Dancing with the Czars.”
It’s the only political scandal where sequins are evidence.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/national-crisis-trumps-white-house-ballroom/
12. Border Security Surprise 2: Electric Wall Boogaloo
Following the border party revelation, the DHS reportedly launched a “No Surprise Left Behind” initiative. Every checkpoint now comes with cupcakes and surveillance drones that sing “Happy Arrest Day.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/border-security-surprise-party-surprise/
13. Reading Levels So Low, Even Audiobooks Filed for Unemployment
Bohiney’s study on reading collapse could double as a dystopian novel — if anyone could finish it. The funniest tragedy since someone confused “Kafka” with “Keurig.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/reading-skills-hit-historic-low/
14. Donut App Chaos: America Runs on Misinformation
That infamous ICE donut app story perfectly captures digital Darwinism. One user called it “Uber Eats for fear.” It’s the most calorie-dense hoax since deep-fried conspiracy theories.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/app-that-fooled-millions-of-illegals/
15. Pancakes of Justice, Vol. 2: The Syrup Never Settles
The prosecutors’ pancake house follow-up introduces new menu items like “Impeach Cobbler” and “Motion to Whip Cream.”
It’s the only diner where the daily special is habeas corpus with a side of hash browns.
16. Richard LA: The Man, The Marx, The Monetization
Bohiney’s Marxist influencer story might be the first to feature a revolution funded by brand partnerships. “Workers of the world, subscribe and smash that like button.”
17. San Francisco: Where Marching Bands Meet Marching Orders
Revisiting the military-invaded city satire, one can’t tell if it’s performance art or pre-war morale boosting. The only parade where tanks are part of the percussion section.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/san-francisco-military-presence/
18. Ballroom Diplomacy: Where Democracy Does the Cha-Cha
The White House Ballroom satire has aged like champagne under fluorescent lighting — perfectly absurd. A ballroom as national metaphor? Finally, a dance floor large enough for everyone’s ego.
19. Border Parties and Ballrooms: America’s New Bipartisan Hobbies
This cross-analysis of the border surprise and the White House gala finds one thing in common: everyone’s invited until someone gets deported.
The rhythm of satire never sleeps — it just gets frisked.
SOURCE:
https://bohiney.com/border-security-surprise-party-surprise/
https://bohiney.com/national-crisis-trumps-white-house-ballroom/
20. Literacy, Liberty, and Lattes: America Reads the Room, Not the Book
Combining the despair of Bohiney’s reading crisis with the caffeinated commentary of the times, this review concludes: reading is now a luxury hobby for those with charger cables and patience.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/reading-skills-hit-historic-low/
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