By skyforbes My brother (37m) is getting married next month. He asked my 9-year-old son to be a ring bearer and included my three nephews as ushers (12m, 15m, 16m). My 12-year-old, Lanie, wasn’t asked to be anything.
For context, she’s the only girl cousin in the family and already struggles with feeling left out. She also hit a growth spurt and is already feeling awkward about her height and being a tween.
When she realized she was the only cousin without a role, she took it really hard. She cried multiple times and told me she was “sick of being the only girl” and always being left out.
I talked to my brother and gently asked if there was any small role she could do — even handing out programs or helping seat people — just something so she didn’t feel singled out. He said no, that they didn’t want to add anything last-minute and the wedding party was already set.
After that conversation, my daughter told me she didn’t want to go. She said watching all the cousins walk down the aisle while she sat there “like nothing” would make her feel even worse. She was crying and clearly overwhelmed, especially when we were trying to find an outfit for her to wear.
I’m thinking about letting her skip the wedding and let her spend the weekend at a friend’s house. My husband agrees with me because the other option is having a teen who is glaring death daggers at the photographer during the ceremony or playing on her Switch during the reception and looks like she clearly doesn’t want to be there.
Unfortunately, now some family members are mad.
My mom, brother and other relatives think I “let her throw a tantrum to get out of something,” and say I should tell her “to suck it up” because “kids don’t get to skip weddings just because they didn’t get attention.” My mom said I’m going to embarrass my brother by having one of my kids missing in family photos.
I personally feel like forcing her to go when she was heartbroken would have made things worse, and I didn’t want her sitting there crying through the ceremony.
But now I’m second-guessing my choice, so here I am.
Would I be overreacting for letting my daughter skip the wedding after she was left out of any role and was really hurt by it?