By skyforbes They informed us that their "new tradition" will be to spend Christmas Eve with us and then spend Christmas Day morning together before going to the DIL’s parents’ house for the rest of Christmas Day (lunch/dinner/etc.).
My wife and I were honestly somewhat hurt by this. While we appreciate getting Christmas Eve, the implication is that for every Christmas going forward, we will never host them on Christmas Day, while her parents will always have them on the day itself. We feel this arrangement is inherently unfair and diminishes our role in their new holiday traditions. And we aren't even talking about grandkids yet but if/when they come this is going to become exponentially worse.
We know it's not practical for them to visit two houses on Christmas Day, but we want to gently push back and propose an alternating schedule:
Proposal:
Year 1: Christmas Eve with us / Christmas Day with DIL's family.
Year 2: Christmas Eve with DIL's family / Christmas Day with us.
My question is: Is it reasonable for us to push back on their initial plan and suggest this alternating schedule? If so, how can we best communicate this to them without sounding demanding or unsupportive? We want to maintain a good relationship, but we also feel it's important to establish a fair balance now before the tradition is set in stone.
Thank you for any neutral perspectives or advice, especially from those who have been the parent or the adult child in this situation.
EDIT to clarify –
My son is one of four adult siblings.
My DIL is one of three adult siblings.
"Second fiddle" oh for F! sake people, I was just being offhand/casual. Since I forgot this is the internet, let me clarify: I am of the belief that when someone enters into marriage, they are starting a new chapter of their life and are laying the groundwork for a new family. It is completely reasonable that their relationships with their parents, siblings, grandparents, etc. will evolve and their new life will slowly take precedence over that from which they came. I in no way want to make my son feel like I am saying he has to continue doing/feeling/living the same way he always has and I want to make sure it comes across clearly that I fully embrace and celebrate that he has a new family while at the same time reminding him that he does have parents, siblings, etc. that still would like to celebrate with him. I am hoping for insightful real-world feedback that is more than "bru has new life now pops!" is what I was trying to get at.