Byte Me: Surviving My First Year in the TikTok Hive as Engineering Manager (3)

Previously in the Byte Me Cinematic Universe™…

If you somehow stumbled into this article like a confused intern into a cross-team meeting, do yourself a favor and start from the beginning: Byte Me Part 1 and Byte Me Part 2 — I joined TikTok, got attacked by mission statements, chased boxed lunches like it was the Hunger Games, and learned that “classmate” is not just for schoolkids anymore. Also, did you know you can schedule trauma through QR codes?

Go ahead, binge-read them. I’ll wait.
(But not too long — PMO just sent me another calendar invite. It’s labeled “P00 Critical Alignment Sync” and it’s starting in 3… 2…)

So how exactly does TikTok Move Fast?

A candidate once asked me during an interview.

I paused.

Is it the kind of fast where we literally don’t have time to double-check, so there are typos in every slide and document, and our meeting room is named “Capital Hill” — is it practically a tradition? Or is it the “move on fast” where the average employee tenure is 7 to 12 months?

Okay, that sounds a bit grim. Let me give you two slightly less depressing examples of how we TikTok at TikTok.

Exhibit A: The Only Productivity Tool That Buzzes You Like a Mosquito