By skyforbes Last week was MY turn, apparently. Bear in mind, I have NEVER interacted with this person. My job doesn't directly intersect with hers. There is no reason for us to even acknowledge each other's existence.
I work with a fellow named, hand to God, Curtis Lowe. He is an older African American man.
If you like Skynyrd, you know where this is going.
Years ago when we first met, when he introduced himself, he said, "I'm NOT a guitar player." and we had a laugh.
Still, whenever he and I are working on the same task, I can't help but sing the chorus, "Curtis Loew was the finest picker to ever play the blues."
The other day, I got called into HR to address my racist remarks.
I was flabbergasted. To be clear, I am a white man who will loudly and proudly sing the praises of John Brown, and everyone knows it. So I am racking my brain, wondering if someone decided to report me for being "anti-white" or something.
Nope. I was told I had used the "N-word" at a coworker.
I denied it and was sent back to work.
THE NEXT DAY I got called back in. CeeCee was sitting there and so was Curtis. Curtis looked as confused as I was.
HR 1: (to me) We're gonna ask you again. Did you call Curtis the N-word?
Me: Absolutely not.
CC: Yes you did. You called him the finest N-word.
Curtis: DIES LAUGHING
Me: rubs the bridge of my nose Oh my god, no I didn't. I was singing a song. "Curtis Loew was the finest PICKER to ever play the blues!". PICKER!
CC: That's just as bad!!
HR2: Wait… The Skynyrd song?
Me and Curtis: YES!
CC: Calling him a "picker"! Like "cotton picker"! That's the same thing!
Curtis: Laughing so hard he can't breathe
Me: No… "Picker" is a blues guitarist. They don't strum, they "pick" their strings.
Her: They aren't called that. I have never heard that.
Me: How long have you been a musician? Go to many blues jams around here?
CC: Of course not! I'm – stops herself from probably saying something racist
HR1: buries her face in her hands
HR2: (to Curtis) So he was singing The Ballad of Curtis Loew to you?
Curtis: Yes. Because I'm Curtis Lowe!
HR1: (to me and Curtis) Get out of here. (To CC) No, no… YOU stay.
Curtis: (to ME). See what happens to people who can't mind their business?
EDIT ONE
1. This is not an office. It's a production facility in the South. So, yeah. Lots of blue-collar folks who ABSOLUTELY know much of Skynyrd's entire catalog.
- John Brown did nothing wrong, and if you think I'm "performative" it's because you would personally never stand up in defense of marginalized communities.
-
Here's a list of things CeeCee has gone after my coworkers for:
-After not getting promoted to a position she was ABSOLUTELY NOT QUALIFIED FOR, she accused the supervisor of sexism.
-Started keeping track of coworkers smoke breaks and made a complaint to HR.
-We are allowed to clock in at 4:50 in the morning. Work starts at 5:00. CeeCee (and others) arrive at 4:45, stand at the clock until 4:50, clock in, and then go chill in the break room for 10 minutes until the morning meeting at 5:00. CeeCee made an HR complaint on people who arrive in street clothes, clock in at 4:50, then go to the locker room and change into uniform.
-Complained about a coworker whistling. Not AT HER…just whistling a happy tune. Said he was deliberately trying to distract her. WE WORK ON A PRODUCTION FLOOR.
-CeeCee and about a dozen others, 10 minutes before lunch, will leave their work area and take a bathroom break so they don't sacrifice a single SECOND of lunch. Two of my coworkers leave their work area at the same time, but they walk to the administration building so they can get 20 minutes on the treadmill during lunch, and get back to the floor on time. CeeCee reported them for "taking a long lunch"
Every single one of her complaints has resulted in ZERO disciplinary actions against her victims because HR knows it's bullshit, but they have to check all the boxes.
EDIT TWO
To all the haters saying "This never happened" or "This is AI bullshit."
Wow. Look at you, so edgy and cool. I bet you get all the laughs on Fortnite.
You have absolutely no personality. None. Zip. Zero. Nada. Zilch. Your entire existence consists of you trying to negate or mock everyone around you because you have no joy, no passion, no love, and no friends. So you try to make other people feel bad.
Here's the thing, though.
Absolutely NOBODY gives a fuck what you think.
Nobody.
Nobody cares what you think and nobody listens to what you say and nobody is going to miss you once you shuffle off this mortal coil.
They won't be sad and they won't be happy, either. You're not even important or influential enough to be hated.
You know those t-shirts you see advertised on TikTok, the ones that say, "Dear person behind me. The world is better with you in it."
They're not talking to you.
I'm not saying this to shame you or make you feel bad. I just want you to know that literally the ONLY reaction you're ever going to get is the acknowledgement that you contribute absolutely ZERO to this world.