By skyforbes The part that really gets me tho is how they use me in the background to make her life easier. Need a last minute babysitter because she wants a date night and her husband "works so hard" and needs to relax? Call me at 3 pm and say "we already told the kids uncle is coming over". Need someone to help them move furniture, build IKEA, paint, house sit while they go on vacation, drive them to the airport at 4 am, fix their WiFi, whatever, automatically my job. They never even ask, they phrase it like a statement. My mom literally says stuff like "well you dont have a family of your own so you have more time". If I say I have plans, she'll respond "you can do that another day, your niece will be so sad if you dont come". It has gotten to the point where my weekends feel pre booked by other people. This all blew up last month when my parents decided my sister and BIL should remodel their kitchen. They offered to "help" which in mom language means volunteer my body. She texted me a week before like "we're all pitching in next Saturday, your dad and BIL will rip out cabinets, you can do dump runs and watch the kids, Ill cook". No question mark. I said I couldnt, that I already had plans with friends that I wasnt going to cancel for manual labor. She immediately calls, voice shaking, and goes "I just dont understand how you can put some random plans ahead of family, your sister would do anything for you". For the record my sister has never once helped me move, or even visited a place I lived without parents organizing it.
Day of the remodel comes and I, shocking twist, keep my plans. I spend the day out, phone mostly on silent. When I turn it back on that night I have 17 messages in the family chat. Photos of my dad and BIL sweating over cabinets, my mom writing "team work makes the dream work" and then random guilt bombs like "shame some people couldnt be bothered to show up". My sister texted separately "I know you're mad about stuff but you really left us in the lurch today". I replied that I am not mad, Im just not free unpaid labor on demand anymore. I said I am happy to help if people actually ASK and accept no as an answer, and that I also have a life even if they dont see it as impressive. Next day my parents sat me down and basically gave me a lecture about "family responsibilities" and how my sister is "under so much pressure" and it is my duty as the child with fewer obligations to support her. My dad even said "we invested more in her education so of course she is busier". That one stung. I told them flat out that they made that choice, I am not going to spend the rest of my life paying it back in babysitting and hauling boxes. Now the narrative is that I have "changed" and become selfish since moving out of town, and they keep bringing it up at every dinner. Part of me feels guilty because the kids do love me and I dont want to punish them for adult stuff. But another part is just tired of being the invisible workhorse while my sister gets to be the main character. So I guess my hot take is it is ok to be the "easy child" who finally decides to stop being easy, even if your parents lose their minds over it.