By skyforbes 
Don’t let the Democrats trick you. Forget the CBO score, the 23 million uninsured Americans and the $834 billion cut to Medicaid. The repeal of Obamacare is the best thing that ever happened to this country and I’m going to explain why, so listen up, Stupid Snowflake.
Let’s say you have four children and three apples. You would like each child to have his own apple, and you deliver a stirring speech in Congress about how children should have apples. The laughably impressionable workers and celebrities crown you their king. You become a national hero and win globalist prizes and Oprah has you on her show, because people like me are under the mistaken impression that Oprah still has a show.
Now, how many apples do you have? You have three apples, Dummy Hillary Voter Living Inside My Head. And if you think that you can take apples from the $54b hike in military spending, you’re off your rocker, because our great nation has an obligation to take care of its people.
Still don’t get it? Take France. They spend 11.6% of their GDP on health care, and what do they get? One of the best healthcare systems in the world, but what does that get them? Doctors that don’t drive Ferraris, that’s what. Now, here in the US of A, we spend 17.1% of our GDP on healthcare, and we still can’t manage to provide healthcare for citizens because our doctor visits cost 3 times as much as anywhere else and prescription drugs cost 10 times as much. So instead of asking why our costs are so high, we should just admire those hedge fund managers over there who are drowning in apples. Understand, Strawman Liberal of my Excellent Imagination?
Healthcare is a matter of goods and services, supply and demand, and if we didn’t have a for-profit system, then how would one of those hedge fund managers be able to acquire the rights to a lifesaving AIDs drug and hike its price from $13.50 to $750 per tablet? What would happen to his Ferrari? Or the rotting apples of his soul?
In a universal healthcare system, doctors would be conscripted into a forced army, because there is no incentive for men to heal people other than to drive Ferraris. Why do women become doctors? To attract men who drive Ferraris. That’s the glory of capitalism.
And even if that argument makes zero sense, look at Italy. They have universal healthcare, but when Silvio Berlusconi needed a pacemaker, he came to America to have it implanted. Do you really believe that Italians still want their healthcare after they saw their rich POS Prime Minister buying the best rich guy medical care that his corrupt money could buy? And yes, if you’re wondering, Italy has one highest life expectancies in the world, but some of their doctors drive Fiats, so that statistic is worthless.
Ask yourself this, Gullible Progressive Who Haunts My Dreams, what’s more important? Increasing life expectancy, or Ferraris?
No matter what healthcare system you look at, there are downsides. Waiting for appointments, filling out forms in triplicate, dealing with some bureaucracy etc. That’s socialism, which means that those kinds of inconveniences are just plain evil. That is not Freedom. Rich people get better stuff and more apples. That’s the way of the world, and that explains why universal healthcare must be bad.
This is all leading to a very poignant moment after I noticed a cyst growing somewhere and there is definitely nothing wrong with me in that department, you Antifa who Listens to NPR and is Inexplicably Reading this Issue of the National Review which Actually Published this Article. I was in my doctor’s office and noticed a picture hanging on the wall in which he was posing with one of his Ferraris.
“What the actual living fuck?” my wife said after we had left his office.
“What?” I said.
“Your doctor had a photograph of himself standing in front of a Ferrari,” she said. “Did you not notice?”
“No he didn’t,” I insisted, trying a simple gaslight to avoid having an argument in which my intractable asshole opinion might be challenged. When she showed me the proof — she’d surreptitiously snapped a shot on her iPhone — I told her how I really felt.
“It was a 488 GTB. And so what? Don’t you want me to be treated by someone who drives a Ferrari?”
“Don’t you want to be treated by someone who has the good sense not to spend 275 thousand dollars on a mid-life crisis?”
“You don’t understand the free market,” I told her, because the doctor’s paunch and receding hairline were barely visible against the backdrop of the shiny red chrome.
She never did see the beauty of the free market, not then, and not after the divorce. And neither do you, American who thinks their Government should Provide Healthcare. Neither do you.
This satire is based on a true story. Or at least, it was inspired by something in real life that was published by The National Review