In Order To Pee In Our Ballpark, You Must Download The MLB Piss App

Big news, baseball fans! This season, Major League Baseball is enhancing your ballpark visit with the ultimate digital experience: the MLB Piss app! The MLB Piss app is available for free on Android and iPhone and you will be required to download it to your device if you plan on using the bathroom at the stadium. The future is here!

We know you pay a lot for baseball tickets, which is why MLB is harnessing the latest technology to make your game-day experience a home run. That’s why we only told you that you’ll need the MLB Piss app in tiny font way at the bottom of your confirmation email: so you can enjoy the rush of standing outside the Dodger Stadium bathroom, bladder full of $20 Michelob Ultra, squeezing your knees together with all your might as you try to remember which one of those goddamn icons is the App Store. Hope you did your kegels!

With the MLB Piss app, baseball fans will get to experience the terror of not being able to download the app because they don’t have service in the ballpark, the relief of realizing the stadium has wifi, and the terror again of realizing the wifi doesn’t work. It’s more exciting than the pitch clock, which all MLB employees agreed (while NOT under threat of termination) is extremely exciting and good.