MOVIE REVIEW: Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon (2011)

The third installment of the Michael Bay franchise based off the Hasbro property of the 1980s, Transformers almost wore out its welcome when it was announced to me. OK, moon landing was a cover-up, trapped Transformers on the Moon, yadda yadda yadda. What does the story have to deal with? More slow-motion? More Optimus Prime dying for no reason other than the fact he can come back? More blue and orange cluttered with lens flares? Not only that, but something I’ve never seen in a Transformers cartoon episode that I can recall: a bona-fide Cybertronian invasion.

Yes, the Decepticons finally get it right and attempt to take over Earth, starting with Chicago, and attempt to bring the entire host of Cybertron over to Earth. The only ones who can stop them are the Autobots and their human allies, the most prominent of their number not doing so well…relatively speaking.

Sam Witwicky (Shia Lebouf, Holes [2003], Fury [2014]) is out of college — paid for by the U.S. Government as reward for saving the planet TWICE — but chronically unemployed. His new girlfriend Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Mad Max: Fury Road [2015]) is gainfully employed and works for a rich guy, Dylan Gould (Patrick “McDreamy” Dempsey, “Grey’s Anatomy” [TV-ABC]). Feeling frustrated with interviews, threatened by a possible rival, and unappreciated by the world, Sam tries very hard to get along without his giant robot friends — Bumblebee in particular. Though there would be no movie with only Autobots; what of the Decepticons that survived the Fallen’s…fall?
It would seem Megatron went into hiding in the African savanna, along with Starscream, Soundwave, and a curiously verbal Laserbeak. His new plan requires the Autobots to do his bidding — yes I know it sounds strange, as Autobots usually have a sixth sense about Decepticon plans — and the plan goes off without a hitch, introducing us to Optimus Prime’s predecessor, Sentinel Prime.

Sentinel Prime (voiced by Leonard Nimoy, Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan [1982]) meets with Optimus and they team up to handle the Decepticons as much as possible, but eventually things change and the Decepticon plan goes into effect. It’s up to the members of NEST — human members of the Earth-Autobot alliance task force — to handle the outcome. Tyrese Gibson and Josh Duhamel make appearances and help win the day during the Decepticon attack, in what would become known as the Battle of Chicago.

Concerning the invasion, they might have been cribbing from the 2005 version of War of the Worlds, some of Battle: Los Angeles, and just a smidge from September 11th footage. I will say this: they got it right. It was the footage of the invasion that made me want to see this film. Seeing it in 3D is not a good idea, as your eyes will hurt afterward.

And now, onto something serious.

Megan Fox was an excellent actress for the movie series, and she is capable of maintaining her own opinions. Concerning her comparison of Michael Bay’s behavior on-set to Hitler was probably spot-on in her eyes, but it was unclear to some she was speaking in euphemisms. I do not excuse the actions or ideas of Hitler, the Nazi Party, or Neo-Nazism; what I am saying is that Michael Bay should be able to think for himself instead of letting Steven Spielberg advise him on a single comment from the lead actress. It was a poor decision, even if Miss Fox was a diva on set about what you wanted her to do when you wanted her to do it. Concerning her replacement, you got yourself a hum-dinger there.
Ms. Huntington-Whiteley is an underwear model and is used to taking orders, provocative positions in front of a camera, and is not unfamiliar with the Male Gaze. If she had any problems with her character, she would have brought up the introductory shot of her ass wearing a dress shirt and panties while holding a teddy bear (a groan-inducing shot, even from me).

Thanks to the decisions of Michael Bay, this movie series should mercifully end with the magic number of 3 achieved in a trilogy. I say that because even at the end of the screening I saw, no one cheered, but we all breathed a sigh of relief that it was finally over…until the next one.

CHOICE CUTS:

• Optimus Prime does not die… for once.
• If I ever become a giant transforming robot from space, I too will hide out in a wide open grassland savanna as a conspicuously covered heavy vehicle that travels about and never refuels.
• If a Black person dies in the movie, I must have missed it.
• Three words: GIANT ROBOT TUNNELWORM.

• Shockwave was robbed! No cold and calculating schemes, no making Megatron feel stupid, nothing! Even worse, I was robbed.
• Digging the cherry red Autobot ninja. Very nice. Where was s/he in the other two movies?
• They have Mini-cons now. Great.
• Sam beating up on his replacement car, strangely painted to look like the old Bumblebee paint job.
• Rosie Huntington-Whiteley lips looked like pillows. And that’s a good thing.
• PRICELESS QUOTES: “I’m just the messenger.” — Sam utters the line that had been shot back at him by unthinking people, and he finally got a chance to spit (literally) back into the face of his enemy.

Originally published at http://gedren56.blogspot.com.