Performance Review By Your Toddler

First of all, your snack selections are a bit, how shall I put this… uninspired

Hello there, Mommy. I’ve been looking forward to this meeting for a while now. Overall, I’d like to say that you’ve been a great addition to the team so far. You’ve really been working your tail off. So, kudos to you.

Let’s start with specifics. You’re our star sandwich-maker, bath-giver, and diaper changer. Furthermore, your ability to remember that I dislike seams on the insides of my socks is really outstanding. You’ve been impressing our higher-ups too. You thought I was asleep when you were making out with Daddy, huh? Nope, I wasn’t. So I conclude that he’s just as blown away by your bath time renditions of Baby Beluga as I am.

But there are, regrettably, some areas in which you could stand to improve. As could we all! Except me. Anyway, let’s get down to brass tacks. First of all, your snack selections are a bit, how shall I put this… uninspired. Goldfish crackers are not one of the food groups. You can’t just buy them in different flavors and call that snack time for the year. I’ve noticed at playgroup that some other moms purchase fruit snacks, bring actual fruit (sliced!), rice cakes, puffs, and cereal bars. So, I know the options exist. Do you?