By skyforbes I’m adventurous.
I once went to IKEA without a list.
I survived.
Barely.
I’m good with commitment.
I’ve had the same unfinished project for 6 years.
Consistency!
I like animals.
Most animals like me back.
Except geese.
They know something.
Editor’s note:
We are removing the line about geese.
It feels threatening.
I’m a great conversationalist.
I can talk for hours about things that don’t matter.
Or about deep emotional topics at absolutely the wrong moment.
I live alone.
Mostly because my last roommate asked,
“Do you ever sleep?”
I didn’t have an answer.
Editor’s note:
We did not approve the “roommate interrogation” line.
Please stop adding details.
I’m financially responsible.
I own a spreadsheet titled “Budget.”
It’s empty.
But the title is hopeful.
I believe in romance.
Grand gestures.
Holding hands.
Not making eye contact while assembling flat-pack furniture.
Editor’s note:
We are deleting the IKEA trauma paragraph.
Please do not reinsert it.
I have healthy coping mechanisms.
By which I mean:
• tea
• pacing
• reorganizing my apps
• buying stationery I will never use
I’m looking for someone stable.
Or someone who looks stable from a distance.
I don’t check closely.
Editor’s note:
STOP.
STOP TYPING.
WE CANNOT FIT THIS IN ONE COLUMN.
Dealbreakers:
• loud chewing
• asking where I see myself in five years
• suggesting I “calm down” (I am calm… internally… somewhere…)
Editor’s note:
We have physically removed the keyboard.
How are you still typing this?
If you read this whole ad, congratulations.
You are clearly patient, resilient, and possibly immune to red flags.
Call me.
Editor’s note:
Please do NOT call him.