By skyforbes (Emergency session, lights dim, air thick with panic and ozone)
Sam (wheezing, eyes watering): I… I did it. I let one rip. Live. On the TED stage. In 8K. Vocal fry and a wet finish.
Ilya (gagging into a $4000 Hermès tie): We told you—no dairy before keynotes!
Mira (face down on the table, dry-heaving): The mic picked up the reverb. The reverb, Sam. It’s trending as “AGI achieved via bio-acoustic emission.”
Greg (rocking in the corner): The stock… it’s… it’s up 11%. They think it was intentional. They’re calling it “the most human moment in AI history.”
Tasha (through a gas mask): We can’t spin this. The clip’s already on TikTok with the caption “he farted and the alignment problem solved itself.”
Sam (tears streaming, proud): I told you… authenticity… is the ultimate safety layer…
Entire board simultaneously gags and reaches for the emergency charcoal pills
Helen (whispering from under the table): Just… just say it was a whoopee cushion protest against closed-source models. Please.
Sam (voice cracking in perfect vocal fry): No… this… brrrrrt… is who I am now.
collective retching intensifies