By skyforbes 
Stepankamatto (@ stephaniematto) has 194.5k followers on TikTok. And after seeing this post below, at least tens of thousands of them won’t touch Indian men with a 10-foot pole.
I — one of many American men of Indian descent who was seemingly ripped a new one by this post — am going to try to do something unexpected;
Imma TRY (emphasis on “try”) to defend one of the millions of white people bashing Indian men on TikTok.
For as long as I can remember, any Indian man’s efforts at the dating market has been a reliable punching bag for people of all races using this app. Additionally, we’ve also seen a contrarian movement in which South Asian creators are pushing back against this (let’s be real) casual racism — either comedically or by speaking their truth on what it means to be part of the subcontinent now living across the diaspora.
When you see women acting like this on TikTok, or one of those street interviews where people proudly say that they would never date an Indian (citing reasons that would be enough to get them fired from their job), it’s important to keep a couple things in perspective. I say this as someone who’s seen both sides of the coin; Someone who’s been on dates with western women who told me, “You’re different in a good way”…and as someone who has been through a lot of trials and tribulations to point where he cringes at the man he once was.
Perspective number 1:
So many Indian men are facing a unique challenge. Previous generations of Indian men grew up in the tradition of arranged marriages, where wives were often guaranteed…and sometimes had little to no say in the matter.
So what you have left with is a generation of men nowadays — typically Gen Z and younger — who are learning the hard way that they have to develop their own ways of being attractive or having appeal among women that pretty much every other race in this country spent years and even generations getting a head start in.
What do I mean by hard way? Well, we’ve all seen the for-you-pages of westerners boldly insulting some unsuspecting brown guy who they rejected either didn’t have the right pickup line or “smells like curry”. A man who — mind you — is trying to go about his business to this day and has no idea about the impact he is being dragged through the internet is going to have on the general public’s view of his entire community.
Perspective number 2:
Pretty much all western representation of the South Asian male in western pop culture has been either negative and downright racist to seemingly harmless but still posing harm to impressionable viewers. It’s better now than it’s ever been, but my community has spent decades dismantling the stereotype of being the IT nerd or doctor or cab driver or terrorist. But the damage done by decades of Hollywood, cable news, a 24/7 365 mainstream media reporting cycle, and — of course — politics…is going to take decades to offset. A task that — as we’ve seen to this day — will be slow and require history making events and a worldwide unity against racism to come to fruition. Now, while it’s important to show grace to the South Asian community, as promised, here’s why I give grace to westerners. Even those who misunderstood brown people, such as the woman in this TikTok.
Perspective number 3:
A lot — I’m not saying all — but a lot of Indian men and boys responded to centuries of colorism the wrong way: By pedestalizing white women. Particularly those who fit the blonde hair, blue eyes, CW cheerleader trope. A lot of this was because they didn’t know how to properly process the shaming they grew up in, not only from westerners, but from their own community as well.
Let’s be honest, Indians: Our shame culture does more harm than good.
Our penchant for bashing young men and boys for their skin color, their grades, or their weight might motivate them to change…it will definitely ruin their mental health and self-image, while leaving lasting hate. And with mental health still being taboo in their community, so many men and boys will feel lost and with no choice besides hating their own communities and cultures.
And that’s exactly what happened in this specific interaction; An Indian man with an Indian ex now goes on a date with a blonde TikToker (with some honest issues of her own when it comes to clout hunger) which resulted in a bad taste in her mouth
…and a recipe for disaster in the eyes of all her followers.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again;
Indian young adult men today are in a better position than they historically have ever been. We are in the prime position of pushing back against the racist tropes that pigeonholed us for decades. We are no longer stigmatized as much when we speak of the mental and emotional trauma our community deals with. And make no mistake; Love knows no color. Your appearance is only part of the game when it comes to finding the one you build an attraction with. The rest of it is building a lifestyle you love and mindset that surrounds you with the right people.
And to the woman I’m calling out, I’ll answer your question:
Yes, you overreacted. Instead of calling out one guy you had a bad date with, you threw an entire community under the bus. Frankly, we don’t need any more people in this country doing that right now.
And no, I’m not doing the same thing you’re doing. Because I’m showing the person I called out…just a little bit of grace.
In all seriousness, I don’t wish ill on you. While I may be publicly commenting on you, I hope and humbly request nobody harasses or doxxes you in response to anything I wrote. I ultimately hope you find a loyal companion in someone someday.
Because in all seriousness, to all westerners who make videos like this, you’re giving off serious clout-chaser energy. You’re making it blatantly obvious that you’re targeting a niche demographic, you’re flaunting how you can get away with dog-whistling, and making yourself look — at times — worse than the community you’re trying to heckle.
Because I’m not the first male to tell you this;
You may not wanna date Indian men, but a considerable number of men of ALL races finished watching your videos
…and thought to themselves they dodged a bullet.
But as I always finish captions…Shanti.
